


Comfort Food

by copperbadge



Series: The Midnight Theatre [11]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 13:29:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2152509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperbadge/pseuds/copperbadge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony, against his will, introduces Steve and Natasha to Ore-Ida's finest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comfort Food

Tony was, strangely enough, the one who originally introduced them. 

It was doubly strange because Tony had been raised in wealth, and reheatable frozen foods weren't really his thing. Once in a while the original Jarvis, the Stark family butler, had used treats like spray-cheese and crackers to get young master Anthony to behave, but that was rare. You had chefs to make you food and if you had a chef making you food, it might as well be really fancy high-quality food. That was the Stark family policy on the matter. 

Still, once in a while one did crave childhood treats, and the new JARVIS, Tony's own creation, made sure there was always a box of pizza bagel things in the freezer. Usually well-hidden, not only because Clint was an indiscriminate grazer but because long before the Avengers came on the scene, Pepper would occasionally raid Tony's fridge for comfort food. The pizza bagels were his, and he was territorial about them, but he hated fighting with Pepper, so hiding them was really the best way to go about this. 

All of which led, in a roundabout way, to Natasha walking into the Avengers communal kitchen just past midnight and remarking "I've seen better" when she came across Tony leaning on the counter, ass sticking out, watching the toaster oven with the focus of the very hungry. 

"You pretend to accidentally walk into the men's shower after missions on a regular basis, of course you've seen better asses than mine," Tony said, as Natasha hopped up on the counter next to him. "If I weren't rich and brilliant, I'd get a complex, showering naked next to Thor."

"I am a lucky woman in some respects," Natasha agreed. "Why are you trying to burn a hole through the toaster with your eyes?"

"There's food in it."

"You know that door opens."

"You're very funny. The food isn't cooked yet. Or, well, it's probably lukewarm, and I want it hot."

Natasha craned around and peered through the glass door of the toaster oven. "What are those?"

"Mine. They are mine."

"Don't be greedy, Tony, you could buy certain small European countries."

Tony blinked up at her. "What would I do with a small European country?"

"Make me queen of it and give me preferential trading rights."

"Steve wouldn't like that. You know how he feels about the monarchy. Also, Pepper hates when I make deals with Europe behind her back."

Natasha smiled and drummed her heels against the cupboards below the counter. "So what are they?"

"They are pizza bagels."

"Pizza bagels," she repeated skeptically. 

"Yes, pizza bagels! You know, _pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at suppertime..._ " he sang. 

She gave him a blank look.

"Where were you raised?" Tony asked.

"Russia."

"Oh, point," Tony admitted. "Well, you take a tiny bagel and you put pizza fixings on it, and then you freeze it and sell it to people like me, who associate hot food with comfort and love but are incapable of creating it themselves." 

Natasha cocked her head. "That got intensely psychiatric."

"Hi, I'm Tony Stark," Tony said, returning to stare at the toaster oven. It emitted a small _ding!_ and he opened the door, sliding the makeshift tinfoil cookie sheet out onto the counter. He shut the toaster oven door, blew on the pizza bagels, and then looked up at Natasha, who was doing a magnificent impression of a starving waif.

He _knew_ it was a ploy, was the thing. He knew she would just as soon stab him for his pizza bagels as charm him, but that would get her in trouble with Pepper.

And yet he still couldn't stop himself.

He sighed.

"ONE," he said. "You can have ONE." 

She smiled at him, a smile that said "You are a sucker", and picked it up, tossing it from hand to hand to keep from burning her fingers. After a few moments, while Tony blew on the rest, she took a bite.

He watched as she chewed thoughtfully. The thoughtful look remained after she'd swallowed; then, finally, she narrowed her eyes at the little bagel and took another bite.

"So?" Tony asked, mouth full of his own. 

"They're...perplexing," she said. "They're terrible."

"But also really good, right?"

"Yes!" 

"It's a mystery of the ages," he informed her solemnly, eating another one. There had been eight on the tinfoil originally; now there were four, and Natasha was daintily nibbling on a second one. "That's funny, I was sure SHIELD taught you how to count in spy school."

"I don't know what you mean," she replied airily. 

"You're a pizza bagel thief is what I mean," he said. 

"I need more data, I can't form a critical opinion without good intel," she said.

"They're pizza bagels. Nobody has a critical opinion. They're terrible and wonderful. That's all you need to know."

"Hey, what's going on in here?" a voice said, and Tony let his head fall in despair. "Something smells good."

Natasha took a third pizza bagel and held it out to Steve. "Tony cooked."

There was a long pause. "And you're eating it?" Steve said, his voice carefully neutral.

"I just reheated them, they were cooked by someone else, please, by all means, have some," he said, gesturing defeatedly for Steve to eat the damn pizza bagel. Steve took it from Natasha, studied it, and then put the whole thing in his mouth at once.

"That was brave," Natasha said.

"In for a penny," Steve replied, mouth full. "Hey, these are good!"

Tony took the opportunity, while Steve was discovering the joys of Ore-Ida's finest, to wrap the last three up in the tinfoil and shove them into his pocket. 

"My food and I are departing," he announced. "If you want another pizza bagel, get your own."

As he left, he heard Steve say to Natasha, excitedly, "Midnight supermarket trip? I love midnight supermarket trips!" 

"JARVIS," Tony said, once he was safely in the elevator.

"I have taken the precaution of ordering extra boxes for your personal refrigerator, sir." 

"Just wait until they find out you can get full-sized ones," Tony said, as he unwrapped his prize. He was sure there had been three left, but there were only two in the package.

"Dammit, Romanov!"


End file.
